Humor Hard On

I can't enjoy sex unless I have a connection with someone. We must click, we must have banter. If I meet with someone (usually someone I found online) and they try to have sex with me without making me laugh at least once, I pick up my things and I walk out.  I have left many pantless and confused.

And it has to be every time. Laughter is my foreplay.

I matched with a boy on a dating site that looked like a movie star. His photos were professional, and his smile was perfect. Cheeky and alluring. I was almost certain that it was a fake account but I though there was no harm in trying. We decided to meet up that afternoon. I sent a girl friend photos of him, where he was from, his phone number and screen shots of his online profiles. For safety, I always do this. I then tell my friend to call the police if I don't call her by a certain time.

The anticipation made me shiver as I waited for him to drive to my house. He arrived and flashed me that smile and I was instantly excited. I invited him in and we chatted over a glass of water. He told me he was a body builder, so I asked him to show me his poses from competitions. We laughed.

I referred to him as a 'boy' earlier not because of his age, or his looks. He was a 23 years old body builder, he looked like a movie star. But when he spoke he was so sweet, almost innocent. When I teased him he would give me a shy smile, soft laugh and look anywhere apart from my eyes. This made me feel like I could trust him.

I pulled him onto my bed and took off his clothes. Every inch of his body was solid, like a sculpture. And when he held me, it was firm, but not at all painful.

I didn't see him again for a few months because he was focused on competitions. We had arranged to spend the night together, relaxing at his holiday house by the beach, when his competitions were over. I arrived and the time between had obviously made us both nervous. We went for a walk and talked and we were both interested but on edge. Back at the house our first kiss of the night was awkward and fumbled. I was determined, I wanted him, but there was something wrong. I pulled him into the bedroom and pushed him onto the bed. I stared at him for a few moments, and then I left. I needed the laughter.

Sincerely, Moist Mermaid